Maid-to-order: Its complicated

We're in Munnar, its a beautiful perfect day and we're excited as Neel, Amish and me wait on a machan for our turn to ride an elephant. And then I notice this: the next elephant arrives and a mum, dad and their little son(about Neel's age), clamber on. As they are about to leave, the kid shouts out somebody's name and then the 4th person of their group climbs on-- the maid !As I watched the 4 of them squeeze on to the seat (poor elephant :)), I started thinking about us mothers and the relationship we share with our maids. In this case ( I learnt they were from Mumbai and had already been to 2 other places, before Munnar) it wass obvious that the mom was dependent enough on her maid to shell out serious money on airfare, hotel accomodation and also let her intrude on precious family time.

So what is this relationship with the maid all about: Dependence? Being time-starved? Exasperation with a fussy kid? Trying to build a career whilst also bringing up a child? I've heard Moms say that they can't 'enjoy' themselves on vacation if the maid's not there to babysit, ditto at birthday parties where the host invariably has to cater to 3 per invite-- Mom, kid and maid.

What makes the maid so indispensible? Is it just the hard physical, not-fun part of staying on your toes, trying to match the energy levels of your energetic tot? Or is it the non-value-adding, monotonous jobs like nappy-changing that you want to avoid? Or is it an urban, new-age need to suck the maximum out of life's every moment that tells us that we deserve, should choose only the real fun parts wherever possible? Shopping for the kids, cuddles and hugs, getting photographed etc.. these aren't outsourced to the maid, only the boring, tedious jobs. But then again, is there anything wrong with that?

I know I sould judgemental, but I'm trying hard not to. I too have a full-time maid who's an invaluable asset to my life, allowing me to work on my start-up business, go out for business meetings (while I try and stick to my self-imposed 'max 3 hours away from the kid' rule), visit the salon once a month and yes, it must be said, even catch a quick nap sometimes. Kamal allows my husband and me precious time together at meal times, enabling us to sit at the same table and have an adult conversation. Most importantly, she allows me to be a happy, peaceful, relaxed Mom by taking away the stress of all the boring yet unavoidable household chores...But yet, I cannot stand having her tag along at parties, social dos, vacations and even one-on-one play time..Am I being unfair to her or is it the nature of her job that makes her life such?

I read somewhere that a big emotion of being a mother is guilt, and we each settle on a level of involvement from the maid where the guilt is exactly, finely balanced with the comfort, in fact the luxury that the maid brings.A luxury that our counterparts in the supposedly more blessed western world will never experience, unless of course they're part of the Forbes millionaire list

On seeing the family on the elephant, I said a thank-you prayer to God for blessing me with a gentle, calm and happy child, whose company I genuinely enjoy, who so rarely exasperates me, and who has made my decision of taking a break from full-time work, one of greed and not of sacrifice. I also feel grateful for Kamal who makes my life easier.. and at the same time, I feel thankful that I am not dependent on her to raise my son.

Finally, I smiled and said one last thank you, that I didn't feel compelled to share the already crowded seat on the elephant, my private family time, with a fourth person!